Wife, You’re Still Not Alone

I have wandered away, failing to see what’s right in front of me. Things I have wanted, I began chasing after though it left me without you. I kept telling myself over and over, “this isn’t what I wanted,” and angry I began to be. My rebellious heart pushed me away and through eyes of anger I was seeing everything. I don’t know what Your plans are, but I have learned to surrender and let go. I am not You; I know that full well.

Where To Begin

Lately I have been at a stand still. I have felt my world at a halt and honestly it’s left me overwhelmed and frustrated. Thoughts tormented me, telling me that I am losing so much. The thought of my life standing still while everyone else continues moving didn’t sit well with me. I was angry and feeling as though it hasn’t been fair.

After so long of doing what I thought I needed to do, I ran into a wall. I had taken the roll of God in my own life. Meaning, I have tried doing what I thought was best for me. I tried in my own ways to get what I needed, whatever it meant.

I was wrong, I was out of line… I was rebellious. 

Wife, You’re Still Not Alone

Is what I continue to hear God telling me, in all that his happening. Recently, on top of the health issues my husband has… his knees have both swelled up leaving him not able to move.

I have cried out to Him asking, “when and why?!”

It’s been over two years since my journey with my husband began. Since the day we said “I do,” it has been a uphill battle with his health. And days have gone by, recently, that had left me so hopeless.

For the first time I began feeling hopeless. One thing after another kept happening. My heart grew angry and I began questioning God. It got to the point where I only kept seeing what I didn’t want.

I didn’t want a husband who was sick all the time. I didn’t want this kind of marriage. I wanted out.

(I am just being honest.)

I was becoming selfish. In my heart is where I told God, “I am taking over.” Things started to fall apart and my husbands body just kept hurting that’s when I broke.

I became angry. I became frustrated. I broke down.

The Storm

In this storm we are in, you remain in control. You attempt to teach me what it is to remain calm but everything within me is fighting, fighting You. These thoughts, these emotions rage within and rebellious I have been. Puffing myself up, all I have shown you is that I think I can do it better; that any other way is better than Yours. I am so wrong. Everything is just falling apart. I can’t take it anymore. 

I want to run away. I want to give up. I just want to leave it all and just go. “Anywhere is better than here,” my mind torments. Painting a false picture of how better off I would be without You.

In the middle of this storm, I am at a stand still, a wall I have run into. That wall is You. I am fighting You, but a losing battle it is. I can’t overtake you. I can’t win. How foolish I have been to think I had a chance. I am only hurting myself. “Why are you fighting me?!” You question me, then wrap me in Your arms; calming the rage I have carried for so long. 

I look up to see that there is no going around; there is no going over. I stand still. I can’t go backwards. I can only go forward. I am in the now. The exact place You are. I fall to my knees, weeping; my face in my hands. I surrender. I back down. 

“Stand still in this storm,” You tell me. “Stay calm in the middle of this storm…I am here. Stop fighting. Stop rebelling.” 

Inspired by a song called: "In The Eye of The Storm"

When I think of this storm, I can clearly see myself standing in the rain and all the chaos happening around me. The thunder. The lightening… but I just remain calm and still. Nothing can touch me, nothing can harm me because He is there.

I had began doubting Him. I didn’t believe His promise: “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” I have heard that verse so many times, but what did it really mean?

“Even when we do not feel Him near, He is there. We push Him away, but still He remains until we give Him his place in our life.”-Stephanie

Where Are You, God?

I dared to ask Him. He answered me… He was blunt. I dared asking Him after being rebellious, after pushing Him away from me and the circumstance. I dared to ask Him even after I kept Him out of my marriage. I dared to ask. 

He is a loving Father, though I was rebellious in my ways, His answer was gentle, but strong.

“I have been here the whole time. I haven’t turned my back on you, the way you have imagined. I have not left your side or left you to fight alone. It has been your choices and your own understanding that has pushed me out of the way. 

You have attempted to take control and do things in your own way, because you thought deep down inside, you could make those changes. That the circumstances would change by your own fleshly force and manipulation; anger, selfishness, isolate.

You have taken your will to take thing in your own hands. I simply stepped aside until you finally realized that you couldn’t, until you reached that wall you couldn’t break through. Me. 

So, I never leave you. I never abandoned you, but I do step aside when you decide to take up MY roll in your life.”-God  

After hearing those words so clearly, in my heart, I started crying. I knew exactly what He meant and exactly what I did wrong. It wasn’t in a punishing way. God doesn’t punish(the harsh ways the world punishes), He simply disciplines, because He loves us.

Hebrews 12:6 

After recognizing my ways and finally surrendering to God, a veil was torn. I felt strengthened and I felt at peace. Hope has been restored. He lifted me up and dusted me off, reminding me of how good He has always been.

Wife, You’re Not Alone

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I have so much to share. I have so many things that God wants to share with other wives, especially the ones who are going through similar things. I have felt alone, but it’s a lie. I have felt like no one would understand what I am facing in my marriage, but it’s a lie.

I want to be used by Him to restore hope. I want my messages to radiate God’s faithfulness in the midst of the storm. I want to bring freedom to the wives that think there isn’t another way out of what they are facing with their husbands health.

I am my brother’s keeper. What I do for my husband, I do for God. How I treat my husband, I treat God. 

We are our brothers keeper.

We are our brothers helper in the difficult times. 

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Social Media

Wife, You’re Not Alone” is my ministry. It was birthed after my husbands heart surgery back in November of 2017. I knew then that I wanted to share my journey and I know I will be doing just that.

I will be posting on my Instagram page- @wifeyourenotalone 

 

Bloom Into You

Blooming into who you are really are, difficult it can be when all around you is what they expect you to be. Standing out, a beautiful flower you are. Thorns and thistles try to hinder, but the Creator prepares the way for you to not stay; in the same place. For there is room in this world for your full bloom.

I Am Such An Introvert

It’s been awhile since I have felt this tug on my heart about opening myself up and no longer hiding who I really am. There is something about me that I really dislike; I am an introvert.

All my life I have been one who kept to myself and kept people at a distance. I was sharing with some friends last night, that I avoid certain places because I don’t want to run into people. (That is not freedom.) 

“Like a turtle hiding in its shell, so am I. I hide behind insecurities. I hide behind not wanting to be seen. I hide behind all things that are not of Him. In doing so I am not blooming into who I really am.”-Stephanie

I have not been given a spirit of timidity, God has promised. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.-2 Timothy 1:7

Doing What I Have Been Called To Do

Like a flower created to bloom and manifest the splendor of God, so are we; so am I. We were created to stand out and not fit it or coward behind what’s not of Him. This world needs so much more uniqueness and less, “being just like everyone else.”

“I know I am not like someone else. I know that I can’t do what others can do. In all honesty, I spent so much time trying to copy and imitate, that I had lost sight of who I really was and what my unique qualities were. It hasn’t been until recently that I have been tapping into my gifts, my capabilities… those very things that make me, me.”-Stephanie

What makes you, unique? Have you really thought about it? Or have you been going with the flow, rather than against the current?

These can be hard to acknowledge. Like I mentioned in my last blog, it’s spiritual. We live in a time where it’s normal to all be the same and wrong to stand out and be different.

God Sees You As Special

When you were designed in your mother’s womb, God had amazing plans for your life. He engraved in you; potential, talents, gifts, identity and so much more. You’re His masterpiece; made ready to bloom at the perfect time.

Times are changing, things are shifting and it’s getting time for God’s people to rise up and be who they were really meant to be.

We were given life, but not just to exist… but to fulfill our purpose. To bloom where we are.

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…declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-Jeremiah 29:11

It’s Not Just For The Introverted

Even those who are so outgoing can be hiding behind some kind of insecurity. Being who you are isn’t just about what people are seeing. It’s about what kind of heart you have and whether or not it aligns with His will.

So many people do what they think they should be doing, but don’t really bloom.

People aren’t happy with their life. People aren’t happy with what they are doing. People look everywhere for that sense of completeness, purpose and so on. They are in need of the right “food” to help them bloom.

Living Life To The Fullest

I shared this with the youth a few years ago. I shared with them that, to “live life to the fullest” had nothing to do with how much you partied in your life or all the things the world shows us is, “living life.”

Living life to the fullest is living out the life you were meant to live out. Accomplishing goals. Fulfilling your purpose; walking in your identity and not hiding behind insecurities or the masks of the world. 

I would rather bloom, showcasing all I can do and be criticized, then to remain in a mold and be just like everybody else who never blooms and shows the world who they are and what they are capable of.

 

Negativity. Hate. Rebelliousness against authority. No respect for others… that’s not what I mean. That doesn’t come from God, at all.  He will never lead people to act that way. He will never tell someone to mistreat others. What is not in His word, is not of Him.

All those things are distorted images of ones self and the way we see others; it comes from the enemy.

  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.-John 10:10

More To Life

It has been days since I have heard You tell me this, “there is more to life.” More to this life than what I feel I should be doing, in my own flesh. I have been so focused on my own thing that I have ignored your presence and your direction for my life. Time and time you send your messengers to speak into my heart. Papa, I am ready. For there is more to life than money. There is more to life than trying to fit in. There is more to life than worldly recognition. There is more to my life. -Heart of Grace

“Todo Va A Estar Bien” (Everything Will Be Ok)

Through a worship song by a dear friend David Lugo, God spoke directly to my heart. It was during a time where my husband and I were overwhelmed with things pertaining to his health. (I will be sharing the journey, soon.) A few weeks ago, we were driving and were led to listen to his new album. As the songs played, we came across a song that was birthed at our church… we knew which one it was as soon as we heard it. We immediately felt Gods presence fill the car and tears began to fall down our cheeks.

It was then that we felt Gods assurance and comfort. He reminded us that everything will be ok. He reminded us that He has not left us and that He is doing a new thing in us and in my husbands life (health.)

“Last night He reminded us again. It’s been a theme these past few weeks. Things have been hard, but His love has sustained us through it all. My heart had been closing little by little and other things I was beginning to pick up, in place of Him. I was overburdening myself with things I felt I needed to do because I wasn’t seeing what I needed, when I needed it. I was losing faith.”-Stephanie

More To My Life

Though it is hard to explain to others, the important thing is that I know what is being asked of me. My heart has been taking on a transition, from what I want, to what my Father wants. When I envision my life, I see myself doing what He has called me to do. And it’s powerful.

I have been listening to music from Blake Whiteley. He raps about answering God’s call and doing what he is supposed to be doing, to reach the lost.  It has been challenging me. It’s been re-shifting my thoughts, desires and my will. Last night was confirmation of that, and the words God spoke directly to me were the right ones to remind me of my identity in Him.

I know I was meant for more. I know I was called to do more. I know that I have been given visions, desires and specific gifts for a reason; to serve Him, to do what I have been called to do.

I Want To Be Called And To Be Chosen

“For many are called, but few are chosen.”-Matthew 22:14

When it comes to purpose, we all have one. We were all born with a purpose, but so many fail to live it out. I am not saying that everyone is called to be in “ministry.” God has doctors. God has athletes. God has lawyers. God has so many people doing different things, but they do it for Him. They are where they should be. 

So many people fail to do all they are meant to do, because they do not answer His call. In all honesty it’s because they are afraid of what it will require. I don’t want to be like that. I have so many desires and so many things I would like to do, to reach out to so many people. To share with them what’s been done in my life.

I was found. I was healed. I was restored. I was loved when I felt unlovable.

How many people are still out there feeling hopelessness? How many people are still feeling broken? How many people are still in need of saving? So many!

 

I want to answer His call. I want to be chosen, because of my willingness to serve Him.

 

On Replay

These songs have been on my replay list. They have been encouraging me and helping through this season. I want to share them.

If you understand Spanish: Todo Va A Estar Bien by David Lugo

 

More Than A Conqueror by Blake Whiteley

Fly by Blake Whiteley

 

 

A Girl and Her Journal

My passion for writing started from a place of desperation. It was during the time in my teen life where I felt so lost and alone. With so much to say, I didn’t know how to express it. Depression crept in, cutting began. I was only a teen, a girl who felt unloved. Blade to my wrist, the only pain I could control. I sought help, to a counselor I was taken to, but nothing seem to help. Every Monday, science class I would miss. It was in that moment, my love for writing began. What I couldn’t express with my counselor, I was able to share in my journal. I have always said, I say it again, the paper always knew me better than any person could.

Being Transparent

It’s time. Time to share my story. Depression comes like a thief in the night. The signs are there, but few recognize. It was so with me. I have always dealt with depression, like many have and continue to.

There are many things that can cause it, but it’s mostly formed in the mind. That’s where it begins. The thoughts of being unloved, unworthy, unaccepted, no good and so on were what sparked it in my life, not to mention the way things were at home. Less than perfect, I am sure I am not the only one.

With all honesty and transparency, I have felt this way a couple days ago. Things in my life and being so disconnected has left me feeling so helpless and desperate; feeling like nothing is going to get better. It’s suffocating. It’s made me feel anxious…

Crying Out To God

because he says… “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”- Matthew 11:28

Yes, with tears down my cheeks and ready to throw in the towel… I have cried out. I have thrown myself at His feet, questioning His reasons as to why things are the way they are. But all I can hear Him say is, “So I can be glorified.” It may seem unfair for Him to say that, but I know exactly what He means. All I can do is say, “Ok.” I cannot fight His plans.

In my walk with God, there have been many obstacles. There have been many times I have felt tempted to lash out, but because I knew I was loved it shielded me from any kind of lies trying to get me to fall back into that self harming life.

He has taken upon him all my worries. He has taken upon Him all my pain because He cares for me…all so that I may find rest and strength in Him.-Stephanie

Freedom Comes By Humbling Yourself

is what I have learned.

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.-1 Peter 5:7-10

“We can read these verses and then wonder why things are allowed in our life, the things that hurt us and leave us wondering what’s going on, but we are only seeing it through our own eyes, our eyes of pain and desperation. We forget to see things through His eyes. After all, He is the one who sees things from the beginning all the way to the end.”-Stephanie

Only God knows why we go through what we do, and the reasons for it.

Maybe it’s to bring you closer to Him. To set you free from the things that keeps you in bondage. To strengthen you because there is something greater He is wanting to give you. There are many reasons as to why…

To be honest, I still struggle with fully trusting Him and what is being done in my life. I am human and far from perfect. We all are.

Let me tell you this: You’re not alone in your suffering. You’re not the only one who is going through it. I have been there, I know what it’s like. But there is someone who has seen every single tear, every single cut; all your pain and wants nothing more than to set you free.

Let Go Of Pride

To receive the freedom you need, starts by first acknowledging you need help. It’s humbling yourself to admit it. Pride takes many forms, and the most popular one is the,

“I am ok.”

If that were the case, you wouldn’t be isolated, feeling the way you feel and so on. 

This kind of pride, “denial,” comes from a place of insecurity; it keeps people at a distance because we are afraid to let others in and see the “mess” we are in. I learned this from a friend, we are not a mess when were are going through something.

We are human created to lean on and need God. We definitely have feelings and emotions. While it’s ok to feel what we feel, we shouldn’t stay there. Remember this:

There is freedom in humility. There is freedom in surrender. There is freedom, together. 

 

This Is Me

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“I have always been one to build up a wall and push people out. It has always been my so called “safe place,” until the day God opened my eyes and revealed to me the damage I was doing and the danger of it. All I was doing was enclosing myself alone, with all the torment and struggles and at the same time I was keeping people out; the very people who could help me overcome depression & isolation. I was so worried about them seeing me as not capable or inadequate. It was pride. It was insecurity.  I didn’t want to admit and confess my struggles. With opening up, I have learned there are many caring people who are there for me. I have learned to trust God and others with my pain and hurt, instead of trying to do it alone. In doing so, I have gained the strength to get back up and keep going. In doing so I have not had to fight alone. In doing so I have been the best version of me… and in doing so, my life is not like how it used to be and those temptations are gone.”-Stephanie

My name is Stephanie and I am no longer a slave to depression or self harm .

I am free. 

 

My Heart’s Song

Things That Last

There are no words that can express what I feel inside the moment my lips begin to sing out to You. In the times of trouble, in the times I feel weak, singing love songs to You, makes way for freedom. I sing to you, not only when things are good and well, I sing to you when things are hard and all I want to do is fall, because in my praise and worship I find strength. In that moment of intimacy with You, I find rest. I find who I am and I can clearly see who You are, again. When words are few, the Spirit takes over, a joyous noise births forth. I cannot contain it. There is freedom. There is joy. There is life, in my worship to You.

When No Words Come Forward

These past few days have been such a struggle; emotionally, physically and mentally. There have been moments when my words wouldn’t come out, my mind so distracted and congested with insecurities.

I had it in my mind to skip on service and just stay home, but I didn’t let my feeling dictate my actions; so I went regardless of how I was feeling.

Last night during worship, I sang with so much freedom. It was the first time in a long time. When my words were few, the Spirit birthed forth a joyous noise that I couldn’t contain. Tears fell from my eyes and all I could feel was His embrace and comfort. I felt free, I felt stronger… In that moment, I wasn’t worried about anything, my heart was fully on Him.

I have truly missed that. Spontaneous worship; singing. 

 

Letting Go Of Those Things That Hurt You

“When something has been planted so deep within you, placing down roots, it becomes difficult and can hurt so much when it’s being pulled out of you.”-Stephanie

These days have been just that for me, moments when things that have been hidden deep inside, have been slowly yanked from my life. Things such as; hidden insecurities, bitterness, unbeneficial relationships, deep desires; things that have been causing me to act out of character.

I didn’t see it until this morning, but those things were only hurting me. I received a message from someone that left me feeling so bitter, for it was picking at a sore spot in my life. I realized that God removes those things that are only hurting us, without even knowing it.

When it comes to things that we desire to keep, we become blinded to the fact that it is only causing harm.. and we wonder why we feel the way we feel every time we are around it, around them, etc.

That still small voice; our conscience tells us what is wrong, but we ignore. We care more about those things or the feelings of others, that we neglect our own wellbeing; sometimes or most of the time.

“With everything that I have encountered and have been through, I have grown to learn when it’s time to let go of things; people. It may take me awhile, but I don’t try to fight it, like I used to. I have learned to love and respect myself enough to start taking better care of myself, even if it means letting go of people, habits, things…”-Stephanie

 

Distractions

When we find ourselves in these situations, where we are so focused on other things, we forget who we truly are and what we are meant to do. We get so lost chasing after things; people, that we forgot to seek Him.

When something is out of order, nothing goes right and things just seem to fall apart. How many times has that been true in my own life? Many times, more than I like to remember.

Last night I was walking into that pit. I was forgetting who I am, I was forgetting what I am capable of… I was just forgetting the important things. I was becoming so congested with lies and insecurities that I was losing desire for everything.

It was causing me to wander off course. 

 

A Praying Spouse

I always give God thanks for my husband. The one who has been there for me through everything. He has seen the worst of me, yet chose to love me through it all. Through him, God spoke to me. He reminded me of who I am and what I capable of. Knowing that he prays for me is what strengthens me and keeps me protected.

Keeping things in my life that God has been trying to remove has caused a slight division, because of how it’s made me feel. I admit, that I have been putting things before my marriage and how they have made me feel… I have been taking it out on my husband.

I cannot stress enough about how holding on to things that we aren’t supposed to have can cause so much damage to our life and our relationships… especially when it’s a relationship with someone you’re not supposed to have.

 

Temporary vs Eternal

This is the reason we do not give up. Our human body is wearing out. But our spirits are getting stronger every day.  The little troubles we suffer now for a short time are making us ready for the great things God is going to give us forever. We do not look at the things that can be seen. We look at the things that cannot be seen. The things that can be seen will come to an end. But the things that cannot be seen will last forever.- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

What more important to you? The for sure thing or the temporary; the thing that brings temporary excitement? 

The things I have tried holding on to; I have grown to learn that they are not worth losing out on everything God has for me, for my marriage. I have had it revealed that what is awaiting for me, means so much more than what these temporary things can offer me.

‘No one loses out on learning how to hunt, for a temporary meal that only satisfies them for a short while, eventually they will grow hungry again.

It’s the same way with the things of this world and the things of God. This world offers only temporary things, while God offers things that will last and are beneficial; satisfying every single need.

 

 

 

 

 

Strong Girl Vibes

Sometimes I catch myself in a certain place, a place that is familiar. There are times I have to remind myself of who I am; in doing so, I pull myself out of the pit I am walking into. It’s like my mind snaps out of the temporary trans. I am awakened again. I cry. I can’t believe how far I was wandering. Then I lean on Him. The one who comforts me and tells me, “you’re never too far gone.” I am dusted off, I am clothed in robes of purity, identity and cleanliness. I am made new.

Saturday Vibes

“Because I am human. I don’t always have it all together. I break down. I become an emotional wreck…then I choose to pick myself up and keep moving forward. I determine myself not to stay where the enemy tries to keep me. I am no longer a prisoner of my emotions, thoughts or the mistakes I make. I have been made free; sometimes it takes me a littler longer to remember that.”-Stephanie

Today is a day where I literally have not gotten out of bed. There is really no desire to do so, but duties call. I don’t feel like myself today. I feel very weak and drained. I haven’t felt like this in awhile.

In all honesty I am a bit emotional. The only thing keeping me, “put together,” is me reaching out to God for what I am needing today.

Strength. Love. Peace. Joy.

 

When There Is Pain, There Is Healing

I have learned time and time again that when I have these episodes, it’s because I am being healed of something, set free from something, or there is something there in my life that I haven’t fully acknowledged. That one thing is coming to the surface, to be exposed by Him, only to be removed and replaced with more of what I am needing from Him.

Yes it hurts, and all I want to do is hide under my blankets, but I can’t. There is true freedom in knowing the truth. Only then can it really set you free. There is freedom in knowing what the underlining problem is. For we cannot fix what we don’t acknowledge is out of order.

Last night I cried. I saw myself trying to be who I was set free from. I cried, because that’s not who I am. I cried out those words. I had to remind myself that the enemy can’t keep me there anymore. But it’s up to me to fight through; which I am.

“I lean on Him when I feel weak. I look to him when I feel like I can’t see where I am going. I run to Him I feel I can no longer walk on my own.”-Stephanie

 

Today’s Play List:

My constant reminders that His love for me, never changes and that I don’t have to be perfect in order to run to God. That he loves me in my brokenness as well as in my put together. 

 

Jordan Feliz- Never Too Far Gone

 

 

Hawk Nelson- Drops In The Ocean

 

We Are Messengers- Magnified

 

Micah Tyler-Never Been A Moment

One Body

I see clearly now. When this began, I had dread, I had doubt, I had fear. I was afraid of opening up and letting people in. The thought of “unity,” scared me and the thoughts of, “how would I be able to work well with others,’ came into my mind to torment me. I wanted to run the other way, I wanted to close myself off. You didn’t let me. Instead, You strengthened me, you renewed my way of thinking, helping me see the good that You have begun doing. The beauty of unity, I see it now. The power of a single team, with one purpose and one goal; I finally get it. You make us stronger, together. As a single body works in unison for one purpose, so do we; your children.-Heart of Grace

New Year

Last month, January, we started 18 days of Fasting & Prayer. I can honestly say I was hesitant, I was in dread. I was afraid of what God would begin in my life. I was worried about learning to work with others, I was worried that I would fall into the cycle of feeling insecure and overlooked. I was also dealing with the lies that were telling me that I was incapable and inadequate.

It almost got to the point where I didn’t want to show up each day. My flesh, my emotions were in dread of the word that would be given each day for 18 days. I was so focused on what God would ask me to let go of, as if it meant more to me, than Him.

Everything He has done up to now, in my life, has been just what I’ve needed and has helped me grow.

 

As A Single Team

For the first time in eight years I have felt like a part of a team; like really. My mind has been so renewed that it’s helped me see the bigger picture. One body, one purpose, one goal.

Each day since we have started, a different person has given a word on a topic that was assigned to them. I have seen so much growth in each one of them so far, especially in how they’ve allowed God to use them.

We are a group of people with a heart willing to be used by God. I see that now. For the first time I feel privileged to be among that group. It’s like I can look at them and think, “yes, we have something great in common.” It’s something that we all need to experience.

One Body

When I think about being one body, I think of this verse. I think about how our physical body has so many different parts/members that make up our body. It’s amazing that each part of our body have special and specific duties that benefit and help our body function properly and helps fulfil their purpose.

Our legs and feet may lead us to places, but it’s our arms and hands that open the door allowing us to enter. -Stephanie

We can’t have one without the other, for the body wasn’t created to be that way. We were made to depend and rely on the other members doing their part.

As children of God, we have all been given our unique graces, gifts and talents. Though we are different and can do things differently than someone else, it all ties in, in the things of God.

We, without our different capabilities build up the body of Christ; He is the head.

Vision Restored

For the first time, I finally get it.

Recently, God has been using me to minister His word, something I love to do, with a passion. I have been called to it. To be a teacher of His word. The more I have been given the privilege of doing it, I am realizing this is my calling, this is my ministry.

It has helped keep me from focusing on what others are doing and wanting to do what they do. So much time I have wasted with that mentality. I spent so much time focusing on what others were doing and wanted to be like them.

Nothing worked and frustrated I was left. But now that I am walking in my own calling and purpose, I am able to celebrate with others as they walk in theirs. It’s a joyous feeling; because we are finally walking in unison and in one flow… into God’s order.

Where there is order, there is blessings. God cannot bless something or someone out of order.

2018, I know is going to be a blessed year, especially for those who allow themselves to be renewed and restored.

Monday, I gave a word on the Restoration of God and I shared about how much God has done in my life… I will share that in a different post. But that is the key to seeing new and better things in our lives; allowing our minds being renewed. I am living proof. 

Still Standing, I Am

You alone are my hope, the one I trust and have confidence in. In days of dread and anxiety, I turn to you; I find rest. I am planted deep in you. Coming my way, all things trying to knock me down, but you keep me steady and strong. Still standing, I am. -Heart of Grace

On Days of Dread

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.-Jeremiah 17:7

It never fails. I can have good days, days where I feel confident, strong and thinking I can do anything. Then there are days like today, where I am feeling dread, anxious and like I want to hide. The more I step out of my comfort zone, the more I also want to hide. It’s like my way of saying… no more. 

On days like today, I draw nearer to my Father. I seek His word, His comfort.

His Word, Poetry It Is

Through my walk with God, poetry has been my way of drawing closer to God. I have written out my feelings, thoughts, and everything that has been hidden. I have come to realize that His word too, is poetry. His ways of sharing what’s on His heart, secrets He longs to share with us.

I look deep within the words written and I can see the desire of those who were truly after the heart of God. Who sought Him in their most times of need. He comforted them. He disciplined them, He made them stronger; Strong enough to endure what they were facing.

Reading Jeremiah 17:5-8– reminded me of being connected to Him; the vine. Being deeply rooted in Him and how it keeps us strong no matter what comes our way. It showed me how much life we are given when we place our hope and trust in Him. It’s what I needed today.

Changes & Challenges

This past week has been a week of changes and challenges. I have been feeling challenged to step out of my comfort zone in ways that I never thought id be doing. It scares me, I dread it. I have even felt anxiety at the thought of what was being asked of me.

The changes I am currently facing, leave me feeling stronger, but at the same time, more vulnerable. But it’s in those places where I show my Faith and my trust in Him. I know that if I want to step into the bigger things that are meant for my life, I must first step up and step out.. where people can see me.

All my life I have been in the background. I have been hidden by insecurity, by self doubt, by opinions of others… but God is trying to break me free from that. Showing me that my place isn’t “behind the scenes,” anymore.”-Stephanie

“You are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts in under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father.”-Matthew 5:14-16

When They See Me, They See Him

The more I rise to the surface, the more they will see Him. The more I do what I am no used to doing, the more they will see Him. For it has never been by my own strength, or choice. It’s all been because of my obedience to Him. I have found that His ways always yield blessings and more benefit, than me doing my own thing.

If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be doing half the things I have been. I wouldn’t speak in front of people, I wouldn’t be seen.

I have to remind myself, over and over, that I am no longer the scared little girl I once was. That I have not been given a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. Because to make a difference, you must first be bold and be brave.”-Stephanie

Be Bold. Be Brave

These words have been on my heart for almost a month. They have been replayed in my mind over and over, especially when I am about to do something I am afraid of doing. These words have reminded me of who I am and Who’s I am. It’s been the theme for my life this new year. It’s a season that I am, where I am being taken to new heights, a new level; in my personal and spiritual life.

I have had desires in my heart for years… but I feel Him asking me; “How are you going to get there and do what you desire to do if you have not been set free from fear?” 

The answer is simple; I can’t. We will always feel afraid, but the freedom He talks about is having the courage to do it anyway and no longer letting thoughts hinder you. To no longer let what you see hinder you. To no longer let the opinions of others hinder you. That’s freedom, even when you feel fear.

I am getting there. Little by little, but I am getting there. 

 

“I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

For I hold you by your right hand-I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid, I am here to help you.’

Isaiah 41:9-10;13

Know My Thoughts

Know my thoughts, O Lord.
You see deep within my heart.
In my distress, is there anything that remains, anything unpleasing to you?
Search my heart, Lord & discover the things I alone cannot see.
Bring them to light, that I might see.
Know my thoughts, O Lord, show me the things I must release; set me free.
Lead the way I must go, to live in your ways.
Then test my heart, see now that nothing remains.
You know full well what lies in my heart.
Thoughts of you is what I have.
Change my thoughts, to change my life; that I may walk in your everlasting.

-Heart of Grace

Written: 1/1/14

By: Stephanie Ann Pequeno

Still True

I woke up today, the WI-FI was acting up, I couldn’t enter my usual morning routine; putting my ear buds in and opening YouTube. I figured it was a sign and I was meant to be doing something else; that is exactly what happened.

I sat with God, meditating on a few things. I then felt to go through my old poems. As I read through all of them, I could clearly see that my desire back then, still remains true, today.

The poem of today was written 4 years ago. I still find myself calling out to God with the same request, to search my heart & to know my thoughts. A desire I have to expose what’s not of Him, so that I may be free to walk in His ways. I went on to read other poems that reminded me of the struggles I faced back then, and how God has changed me; strengthened me.

In one, called “Raging Sea,” I expressed to Him how I would never give up or quit… He held me to that word. He took those words I wrote many years ago, when I began my walk with Him and has made sure that I never broke that promise. Many, many times I have wanted to walk away, He’s never let me.

I am amazed at how much my writing has changed. Only Him, only Him. Today’s post was inspired by one of my favorite verses:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”- Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

I truly believe that the person who cries this out to God is one who really desires more of Him and who is willing to let go of everything that comes to light. It comes from someone who is strong enough to confront the fears, the issues, the fleshly desires. The request comes from someone who has truly seen how real God is. Someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to follow Him and do what they’ve been called to do.

 

God Takes You At Your Word

When my husband preached in service about a week ago, he said something that really penetrated my heart. He said, “When we sing to God, and speak the words, God takes them and begins to work in our lives. So if you’re not willing to let God change you, then don’t say anything at all.”

Sometimes, in that precious moment of worship, or in the most time of need, we say things to God; we ask Him for help and to change us, but when it finally comes down to it, we shrink back and say to God, “never mind.” Why? Because most of the time change comes how we least expect, it begins to hurt and becomes an inconvenience.

“That’s why I said that those who truly request to God about searching their hearts and changing their lives, are ones who truly desire it and have their hearts set on God; what He wants. 

It’s being bold. It’s being brave. It’s being courageous. It’s trusting God to do the right things, regardless of how it feels and looks, to us.”-Stephanie

 

In order to receive healing, there must be pain. For healing cannot come without pain, pain cannot come without healing. The two go hand in hand.

This Heart Of Mine

You’ve opened my eyes to see the better things. My heart You have transformed; stronger and wiser it has become. Through it all I have learned to guard this heart of mine, for it has been the cause of many insecurities. You’ve given me a heart that can see past the bad, that can let go of the offenses and show Your love. This heart of mine, You hold carefully in Your mighty hands, never to harm it. You’ve given me the courage to stand strong even when my surroundings are yelling, “fall.” I walk in surrender to You, for You’re the only one who leads me to the safest of places. My confidence is found in You. This heart of mine is the well of life, only springing forth all that is of You. – Heart of Grace

Guarding Your Heart

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

-Proverbs 4:23

A part of guarding your heart is knowing how much you’re valued in the eyes of God. It’s knowing who He has called you to be, and no longer worrying about what others think or say about you. It’s walking in confidence that He is always with you and guiding you in all you’re doing.

Throughout my life I have allowed so many things hinder me. I struggled with insecurity, low self-esteem and honestly, cowardness. I allowed my heart to get hurt time and time again. I was limited due to the fear of what others would think about me. Never did I step out of my comfort zone. All eyes on me??? Please, no! So behind the scenes I stayed. (Until God called me.)

When Your Weaknesses Become Your Strengths

This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9

It’s taken me so much to be where I am right now. I mean, in the place where I have the courage to walk with my head high, even when everything around me is trying to get me to shrink back. I have truly understood who I really am in God’s eyes.

Lately God has been calling me to step out of the, “boat.” Meaning I have been led to do things that I have never imagined id be doing.

Public speaking? Yes. Being in the spot light? Yup. 

I learned this a long time ago; God uses your weaknesses and turns them into your strengths. I never knew that this girl, (me) the one who never spoke up in class would be used as a mouth piece for God. Speaking in front of people always caused me anxiety. I would literally skip school because of the fear of being in front of people.

When it comes to the things of God, I cannot skip out on it. Though I have wanted to give everything up because of the fears, He hasn’t let me. Every time I have seen things as challenging, in confronting them, has allowed me to see that I have been capable the whole time.

So are you:  Capable. Worthy. Stronger than you think. Courageous. And so much more, in the eyes of God.

 

This Heart Of Mine

In it I carry strength. In it I carry hope. In it I carry love. In it I carry courage; not because of me, but because of Him. I had the choice to stay stuck in the boat and watch all that is meant for me flow past me, or step out of the boat and take hold of what is mine, regardless of what others would think or say. The choice was mine.

What we allow in our minds, falls into our hearts and that is what we begin to live. What are you allowing into your mind? The fears and insecurities of others, or the truth that is solely found in God, His word?

“I choose to receive the truth and throw out the lies.”-Stephanie