Never Abandoned

Where to begin. What to write. The days have seemed so long, my heart grows impatient at the thought of what I cannot have right now. My heart is still being mended; the pieces are slowly being swept up from the floor. The world I had known, shattered at the blink of an eye. I find myself struggling to hold on, but nonetheless, alone I have not been. I look around me and I begin to panic, he isn’t here right now, his voice I don’t hear… his embrace I cannot have for awhile longer. What I feel inside, just wants to break free, but nothing good will come of it. I am hurting. I am his wife, he is my husband. What I am feeling, no one else understands. For what was one, is currently broken in two.

Feeling Alone

It’s been almost four weeks since everything happened. Read: Confia En Mi (Trust In Me)

As a wife, in all honesty it hurts. I am in pain. Each passing day I am getting stronger and learning how to fight this battle without my husband. (In every other storm in my life, he was always there…) There are days where all I can do is cry. There are days where I am feeling so strong, and there are also days where I feel so anxious and the thought of not being able to see him, touch him or speak with him causes me to feel so desperate. Today was just one of those days. Not being able to see the changes I am longing for when I wanted to, is what has been difficult for me. 

I found myself really missing my husband’s company, his touch and his voice; his smile and laugh especially. I know he isn’t here, but sometimes it feels like I “snap back into reality” and it hits me that he isn’t home, yet. It hurts me. I know God is breaking me from dependency on my husband and teaching me to fully depend on Him. I am still human, and it still hurts.

In the natural, there hasn’t been much change with my husband’s condition, if anything, all the updates up until recently have been nothing but negative, to the point where certain doctors had given up on him. I remember being in the cafeteria with my dad, last week and just crying. I felt so hurt and so sad at how the doctors were saying that there wasn’t anything else they could do and how they basically were expecting him to die. 

By the grace of God my husband is still alive, after the doctors saying that he only had, “one to two days of life left.” God will always have the final word. I rather believe God, than people.

I am truly blessed to be surrounded by a family of Faith; people who are with me in praying and declaring life in my husband. The very people who are believing with me for a miracle. In that area, God has reminded me time and time again that I am not alone and I am not fighting this battle alone. I can finally rest.

I am especially thankful for both my mom (mother in-law) and my dad.

What We Cannot See

Though these days have been the hardest of my life, they have also been the most strengthening ones as well. I have been learning how to fully trust in God’s word and not on what I see or hear from other people.

The enemy has worked so hard through the doctors to try to get me to pull the plug on my husband, saying that there was nothing else that could be done, followed by the “urgency” they had to talk to me about my husband donating his organs. It was in that conversation that had both me and my mother in-law second guessing their intentions. (We knew it wasn’t them, but the enemy.)

It was in that very meeting where we were told the “expected” life span on my husband. We didn’t receive what they said. I told them I wasn’t going to give them the ok for them to take my husband’s organs. (That was when we felt that group of doctors just give up like it was their final attempt to convince me that there was no hope for my husband.)

This is only a small portion of what I had to endure and what I have had to listen to from them. No hope. Attempts to discredit my belief in God and what we believe He can and will do. All trying to sway me into giving up hope on my husband. I have not and will not give upon him. I have made that VERY CLEAR, more than once. We all are not giving up, even if some of the doctors already have. If I wasn’t fighting for my marriage then, I am FIGHTING FOR IT NOW.

God still has him alive. He’s sustained him this long. I know something amazing is about to happen. (When man says there is no way, God makes a way… and we are already seeing that happen.) Complete restoration in his body.

I used to be afraid of sharing such HOPE because I wanted to wait for it to happen first…thinking that if I did before it happened, it wouldn’t come to pass…but God has set me free from that. He’s reminded me that as children of God, we have the power to speak into existence what we are needing. That’s called faith-seeing something that is not, as though it was. I don’t need to see in order to believe.  I am not afraid anymore. I trust Him.-Stephanie

Never Abandoned

Going back to that day at the hospital. It was such a heavy and sad atmosphere at the hospital, in my husbands room. I felt so down and so anxious. It wasn’t until I was sitting with my dad, having lunch, that it hit me. I was starting to feel the negativity that was lingering around there. I broke down, but then remembered God’s promise:

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I began to cry and just thank God. I was thanking Him because people may leave or abandon us, but He never will. In our darkest hour, He is still there with us. It brought me so much comfort. In that moment, God spoke into my heart and told me: “I am with him. He is not alone. He is in my hands.” I had to truly, truly trust Him in this. To this day, I have seen his faithfulness. ❤

That day, my heart was heavy for my husband. I was in pain. That same night, or a day later I began to feel free and see more of God at work, when I recognized that even in all of this, my husband isn’t a victim…he is a SON OF GOD.

Since then things have been looking up. A new group of doctors working with my husband have been keeping in touch with me and keeping me updated with things. It’s just a different vibe. (We have been praying for the right doctors/people around my husband.) God is so good. 

Everything is in his timing, not mine. Though I would love for things to change at the snap of my fingers, I am not God and do not know what’s best. Only He does.

He is the orchestrator. Everything flows perfectly and beautifully when He is given His place in our life and circumstance.  

Spiritual Warfare

This has definitely been a season of brokenness, pruning, remolding and humility. I have had to let go of certain things. I have had to surrender a lot of things at the cross. I have had to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. I have had no choice, but to trust Him completely; with my life, especially with my husbands life.

It has been a life changing experience, for sure.

What I am most proud of is being able to stand up to the enemy. Standing face to face with him in all of this and reminding him who I am and whos I am. Though I have been knocked down, it has only made me stronger in Him and who I am. I’ve stood my ground and not backed down and because of that I have been able to see the support from my, FATHER.

I am not a victim. I am not a “aww poor” wife. I am not a damsel in distress. I AM A DAUGTHER OF GOD. A fighter; A Warrior.

The hardest thing at the beginning of all this, has been, in all honesty…having faith; being able to see past what is right in front of me. I thought I had so much “faith.” I was so wrong. I thought I was strong, but I was wrong. I thought so much of myself as a “spiritual” person… but I was wrong.

We really don’t know how strong our faith is, until it comes time to fully put it to work.  It takes the hardest storms to show us who we really are.-Stephanie

My way of thinking and my own understanding had to take on a “renovation.” I am just now getting it. I am now able to see beyond the natural, and truly believing what God has already said in His word and because of that I am learning how to fight the right way.

 

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For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.-Ephesians 6:12

This current battle, I have learned to fight on my knees and with a humble heart. It’s been through prayer, fasting and seeking God that I have been able to overcome the attacks and the sudden blows. It’s been because of all that, that I have been able to lift my arms in praise to Him and how I have been able to steadily stand on the ROCK. I am not longer easily shaken and because of who I know I am in Christ, I have become a not-so-easy target for the enemy.

Prayer is one of our many powerful weapons we’ve been given.

 

 

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Forgiveness, a powerful tool it is. It sets a prisoner free, later to discover that the prisoner was me. I have made mistakes, I know that full well. I am human. I am not perfect, and I do not claim to be. I have hurt the ones closest to me with words; with actions. I have looked back, tears I have cried. “I am sorry”, I cried out to You. I have asked for forgiveness, but do I really believe that I am? For it is easier to forgive those who hurt me, but why is it hard to set myself free from torment and guilt? The past days have not been kind, my stomach in chaos; I need to be set free. I am not the bad person the enemy makes me out to be. I am yours. I am your Daughter. I have been forgiven. Help me to believe it’s true. Help me to live in this truth;

“Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.” -John 8:36

The Days Have Been Hard

Words cannot express how this past week has been. Tears have been cried. Things have happened that I never imagined would happen to us. My husbands health has been a storm! I have been dealing with anxiety, stress and panic attacks.

Never have I experienced such “anguish,” before. I have been in this place in the past, but this time it’s been hard. Waves of regret, waves of guilt, waves of condemnation have flooded my mind trying to get me to surrender.

But nonetheless, God has manifested in mighty ways. What He has been doing in my life hasn’t been easy. It’s been a rough encounter; one of discipline and of freedom. One of them being; seeing the wrong of my ways, attitudes and so on. It all came to me like a flood when things happened with my husband’s health.

We Want What We Want…

…but when it comes down to it actually happening, we automatically feel regret. That was me this last week. In my heart I have grown an attitude towards the situation in my marriage, which only came from selfishness. I had grown a callused heart towards God for how things have been going. Telling Him, “This is not what I imagined, or what I wanted.”

How quickly that changed when He allowed this storm to take place. When the thought of losing my husband became reality. I started to see where I was so wrong and began pleading to God for help; for changes.-Stephanie

One thing I have been struggling hard to do is, forgive myself. Everything that I had done wrong and was doing wrong came to my mind. Tears fell from my eyes and I began thinking, “How could I have been like that?! How could I have acted like that and treated him like that?” I felt so much guilt. I felt so much regret. It broke me. 

Forgiven

As soon as your request to God to be forgiven is released from your lips, you are. God is not a God who holds on to offenses or wishes to “punish” you, the way the world portrays Him to be. It’s our lack of belief because of what we feel, that causes us to feel unforgiven. We think, to be forgiven means we no longer feel the pain or some kind of guilt. We have to remember that guilt doesn’t come from God. I am not going to sit here and say that it doesn’t take time for you to start believing it, because it does. It’s been almost two weeks since everything happened and I have yet to fully believe that I am forgiven.

The reason being; I haven’t been able to forgive myself, fully. God already forgave me. I need to forgive myself and let go of all the wrong I have said and done. It’s been a slow process, but I am getting there. Each day it gets easier.

What brings me comfort is what His word says:

Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!- Micah 7:18-19

Learning From The Circumstance

In life, we will always go through problems. It’s been promised.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”-John 16:15

God has not withheld anything that will help us and equip us for what life throws at us. There are signs and warnings that we seem to overlook because we think we, “know it all.” When things come suddenly and we are caught off guard, we question God’s existence or whether or not He is really for us. 

Everything that we go through is never in vain. I have said that over and over, because it’s true. There has always been a lesson to learn in every experience I have had. This one being no exception. It’s been a huge learning experience. I saw that with the utmost humility.

I have been learning how to be a better wife and what God expects from me during this season. I have been seeing where I can improve and allowing Him to remold me into the woman He needs me to be. I have been learning that life doesn’t just stop in the midst of the storm. I have been taken out of my comfort zone to continue doing things as the helper to my husband.

I wrote something last night. I shared it on Instagram and as I wrote it, it was a revelation to me and what God has been doing in my life these past few days.

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  • “In Darkness He Is My Light.” It’s been a rough few days, today being one. I honestly find myself still struggling to trust God, fully. I know He is asking me to let go and let Him. I know He is wanting me to do something here, while my heart wants to be there. As a wife, we tend to have this nurturing spirit when it comes to our spouse (family) when they aren’t feeling well. It becomes a feeling that things would be better if you were by their side. What if you can’t always be right there? 
    I have been learning recently that life doesn’t just stop in the midst of the storm. I have been learning that as wives, we need to keep moving forward for our home, for our marriages, for our life & relationship with God. It’s in these moments that we have to trust God is there when we can’t be. It’s in those moments when we have to trust God to do what we can’t. It’s in those moments when we have to trust that God is there and working all things for our good. Wife, you are the helper. I have been learning that. I have been learning that being my husbands helper means I take care of things when he can’t. It means keeping my home in order when he can’t. It means staying connected to God for both of us when he can’t. My husbands health has taken a tole on him and what he’s been able to do. Soon I will be able to share what’s been happening, but in the mean time I stand strong and continue to trust God.
    🌸Wives, I pray for strength over your life. Those who are struggling with their spouses health, I pray for peace and comfort. I pray that no matter what your storm looks like, that you will find strength in God’s truth. I pray that God will guide you and show you what you are to do in the now. I pray for restoration and that God’s will be done. In Jesus Name. Amen. ✨Wife, You’re Not Alone. 

My Husbands Helper

After writing that, I finally got it. It finally clicked in my heart. It’s not easy to let go and let God. It’s not easy not being there 24/7, but it’s true. It’s POSSIBLE. (Luke 1:37) Life doesn’t just stop in the midst of the storm.

What I have being learning is, when our husbands can’t, we pick up the slack; spiritually, physically and in all aspects.  We seek God for guidance to do what we need to do. We take up the responsibilities, making sure things do not just fall apart. Wife, I get it. I know. You’re not alone in this.

You’re stronger than you feel. You’re stronger than the obstacles you’re currently facing. I am still waiting for things to get better, but in the midst of all this, I am trusting God. I am learning to let go of things I cannot change, and change the things I can. I am learning to pick up the slack for my home, for my marriage and for my family.

I am not doing it alone. I can assure you that. I have had to humble myself before Him and ask for forgiveness and for help.

Again and again, and again I have heard these words: “God is more interested in healing your inside, than He is at healing your circumstances.” 

A hard pill to swallow, but what good is it for Him to change our circumstances, when our hearts are the same and most likely will not appreciate what He does? This is for me. This is for you.

In order to fully trust God in the storms, is acknowledging that He did NOT cause the storm. The enemy paints a pretty picture that tries to turn us against God. All the bad things in life are caused by our enemy, not God, but He does allow them. The reasons are often unknown, but in all my experiences I have seen victory after victory. The sooner we recognize that the enemy only comes to: steal, kill and destroy, the sooner we are able to cling to God for help and see Him at work in our life and circumstances; giving life and life in abundance.-Stephanie

 

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.-John 10:10 (NLT)

Song On My Heart

Who You Say I Am by Hillsong Worship

 

 

 

Beauty Lies Within

It’s amazing to me how just one thought can send me back to a place I hoped to never return, again. I woke up, with joy I looked at myself in the mirror; my progress I could clearly see. As the clock ticked and time passed, I began thinking things that are no longer true. I tried this on, I tried that on… I didn’t like. I started to lose sight of the progress I have made and I became miserable. Oh how my eyes deceive. Oh how my thoughts taunt me. By Your strength and truth I pushed through, though deep down, comparing myself I was. Oh, that lie!

It’s Amazing

What a day it has been…

This morning I got out of bed and the first thing I did, like every morning, was look at myself in the mirror. I liked how I looked and the shape my body is taking. I felt happy; until it was time for me to get dressed for the day.

I went ahead and tried on a few things, some new pieces. I wasn’t surprised that those were still a little snug-I see that as motivation. So I was ok with that. I went on to search for a pair of pants that I wore awhile ago. I was excited. Trying them on I realized they didn’t fit like they used to. (This is where the lies began leaking in.) First, I was like ok these just shrunk when my husband accidently threw them into the dryer, but then it just kept picking at me when I was looking for a top to match. Long story short, I wasn’t happy with how I was looking.

The entire time we were out I felt so bloated. The enemy in my ear telling me, “You’re still fat!” I was feeling so uncomfortable and almost self-conscious, again. I was beginning to compare myself with every woman passing by and comparing my outfit to theirs. It was literally making me unhappy about myself. I was getting angry at myself because I didn’t “look” like them. I was getting upset because my progress wasn’t fast enough. 

I was telling my husband that, it’s amazing to me to how one minute I was so happy about my body and the next, because of something that didn’t fit right, I felt sad and almost bad about myself.

It happens a lot! We can feel so good about ourselves and see so much progress we’ve made, but when it comes to something that isn’t flattering to our figures, we lose sight of the good.

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I’m Flattered

When it comes to my body, it’s taken me years to finally accept myself and be happy in my own skin. It’s taken me so much time to finally accept that my beauty isn’t what is seen on the outside. It’s what I carry on the inside that radiates outward. I finally understood that I have been, “fearfully and wonderfully” made. So have you. ❤

I have been there; thinking something looks good, then trying it on to only realize that it wasn’t right for by body, like it was for “hers.” I have also been that girl to criticize myself because of one piece of clothing. How much value and power we give such things over how we feel and see ourselves. That needs to stop because it’s not the clothing that give us worth, value or our beauty. It’s God.-Stephanie 

I have learned this, the hard way.

So many tears. So many self-critiques. So much self-hate.

I wasted a lot of time allowing material dictate how I see and feel about myself. Today, I broke free from that lie. I determined myself to believe what my Father says about me. I determined myself to reflect on the progress I have made and remember how I was, this time last year. I am not the same. 

When I talk about how clothes and such aren’t what makes us important, I don’t mean that we shouldn’t look our best or wear what we like, because I do it. What I mean is, we shouldn’t depend on such things to give us worth or make us “feel” beautiful. ((I am so guilty of this and I have asked God to help me with it. )) That’s something we should already know, regardless of what doesn’t fit or look right.

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I Ate, I Enjoyed

To really break free from the, “you’re fat” torment, I ate what I wanted and enjoyed it. Yes, I enjoyed my Mexican food, with my husband and dad. I didn’t pick at myself for eating that, because one “treat” meal isn’t going to bring all the weight I have lost, back. I simply enjoyed the food.

I had a delicious chocolate chip cookie. I had a yummy Caramel Macchiato with almond milk, too. Guess what, I am not fat. I am not huge. I am not anything the enemy was yelling in my ear.

So, about my clothes not fitting how I want them too, well it’s my GOAL. Instead of picking at myself, I will work harder. Instead of beating myself up about it, I will make better choices. That’s, that.

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Encouragement

I know I am not the only one who goes through this. I am not the only who has tried something on and completely hated how they looked and felt in it. I am not the only one.

For those who are struggling with this, I say this:

“You are so beautiful. There is no amount of clothing that can take away what God has already said about you. You are his masterpiece and what is the most beautiful about you is, your heart. Your smile. Your personality. You are a gorgeous GEM. Your worth doesn’t come from the size you are, or what didn’t look good on you. Your worth comes from a loving Father who created you in His image and says, ‘I take delight in you.’ He looks at you with so much love and awe. That’s how you should see yourself.”

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 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”-Song of Songs 4:7

Those words are for me too. I take them and I hold them close to my heart, because I know, when Gods looks at me He sees nothing wrong with me. He calls me beautiful. He calls me worthy. He calls be his delight. He says this about you, too.  I say this with so much love; If someone continues to tell you, you are beautiful, believe them. 

After years of being self-conscious, I literally just started accepting those compliments from my husband. I know he loves me. I know he tells me the truth. Knowing that I am beautiful in my Fathers eyes and his, is all I need. ❤

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.-1 Peter 3:3-4

He sees the heart, not what’s on the outside. Always know that true beauty doesn’t come from what you wear, but from the attitude of which you carry inside about yourself, and those around you. It’s a lie to think that having the latest fashions or a new haircut considers you beautiful or helps make you feel better about yourself. Though it may, it’s only temporary. One who chases such things is never satisfied and is always searching for something else to fill that void. 

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Quotes

“You’re beautiful. 🌸

It’s not about what’s on the outside. It’s about what’s on the inside. Your heart manifests and radiates a beauty that no amount of looks can. Attitude of the heart goes further than how you look.”-Stephanie

🌸-“True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly know who she is in Christ”-Unknown

🌸-“Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face. It’s about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart and a pretty soul.”-Unknown

🌸-“Nothing makes a woman more BEAUTIFUL than the belief that she is BEAUTIFUL.”-Uknown

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“True beauty of a woman is not a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.”-Audrey Hepburn

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Wife, You’re Still Not Alone

I have wandered away, failing to see what’s right in front of me. Things I have wanted, I began chasing after though it left me without you. I kept telling myself over and over, “this isn’t what I wanted,” and angry I began to be. My rebellious heart pushed me away and through eyes of anger I was seeing everything. I don’t know what Your plans are, but I have learned to surrender and let go. I am not You; I know that full well.

Where To Begin

Lately I have been at a stand still. I have felt my world at a halt and honestly it’s left me overwhelmed and frustrated. Thoughts tormented me, telling me that I am losing so much. The thought of my life standing still while everyone else continues moving didn’t sit well with me. I was angry and feeling as though it hasn’t been fair.

After so long of doing what I thought I needed to do, I ran into a wall. I had taken the roll of God in my own life. Meaning, I have tried doing what I thought was best for me. I tried in my own ways to get what I needed, whatever it meant.

I was wrong, I was out of line… I was rebellious. 

Wife, You’re Still Not Alone

Is what I continue to hear God telling me, in all that his happening. Recently, on top of the health issues my husband has… his knees have both swelled up leaving him not able to move.

I have cried out to Him asking, “when and why?!”

It’s been over two years since my journey with my husband began. Since the day we said “I do,” it has been a uphill battle with his health. And days have gone by, recently, that had left me so hopeless.

For the first time I began feeling hopeless. One thing after another kept happening. My heart grew angry and I began questioning God. It got to the point where I only kept seeing what I didn’t want.

I didn’t want a husband who was sick all the time. I didn’t want this kind of marriage. I wanted out.

(I am just being honest.)

I was becoming selfish. In my heart is where I told God, “I am taking over.” Things started to fall apart and my husbands body just kept hurting that’s when I broke.

I became angry. I became frustrated. I broke down.

The Storm

In this storm we are in, you remain in control. You attempt to teach me what it is to remain calm but everything within me is fighting, fighting You. These thoughts, these emotions rage within and rebellious I have been. Puffing myself up, all I have shown you is that I think I can do it better; that any other way is better than Yours. I am so wrong. Everything is just falling apart. I can’t take it anymore. 

I want to run away. I want to give up. I just want to leave it all and just go. “Anywhere is better than here,” my mind torments. Painting a false picture of how better off I would be without You.

In the middle of this storm, I am at a stand still, a wall I have run into. That wall is You. I am fighting You, but a losing battle it is. I can’t overtake you. I can’t win. How foolish I have been to think I had a chance. I am only hurting myself. “Why are you fighting me?!” You question me, then wrap me in Your arms; calming the rage I have carried for so long. 

I look up to see that there is no going around; there is no going over. I stand still. I can’t go backwards. I can only go forward. I am in the now. The exact place You are. I fall to my knees, weeping; my face in my hands. I surrender. I back down. 

“Stand still in this storm,” You tell me. “Stay calm in the middle of this storm…I am here. Stop fighting. Stop rebelling.” 

Inspired by a song called: "In The Eye of The Storm"

When I think of this storm, I can clearly see myself standing in the rain and all the chaos happening around me. The thunder. The lightening… but I just remain calm and still. Nothing can touch me, nothing can harm me because He is there.

I had began doubting Him. I didn’t believe His promise: “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” I have heard that verse so many times, but what did it really mean?

“Even when we do not feel Him near, He is there. We push Him away, but still He remains until we give Him his place in our life.”-Stephanie

Where Are You, God?

I dared to ask Him. He answered me… He was blunt. I dared asking Him after being rebellious, after pushing Him away from me and the circumstance. I dared to ask Him even after I kept Him out of my marriage. I dared to ask. 

He is a loving Father, though I was rebellious in my ways, His answer was gentle, but strong.

“I have been here the whole time. I haven’t turned my back on you, the way you have imagined. I have not left your side or left you to fight alone. It has been your choices and your own understanding that has pushed me out of the way. 

You have attempted to take control and do things in your own way, because you thought deep down inside, you could make those changes. That the circumstances would change by your own fleshly force and manipulation; anger, selfishness, isolate.

You have taken your will to take thing in your own hands. I simply stepped aside until you finally realized that you couldn’t, until you reached that wall you couldn’t break through. Me. 

So, I never leave you. I never abandoned you, but I do step aside when you decide to take up MY roll in your life.”-God  

After hearing those words so clearly, in my heart, I started crying. I knew exactly what He meant and exactly what I did wrong. It wasn’t in a punishing way. God doesn’t punish(the harsh ways the world punishes), He simply disciplines, because He loves us.

Hebrews 12:6 

After recognizing my ways and finally surrendering to God, a veil was torn. I felt strengthened and I felt at peace. Hope has been restored. He lifted me up and dusted me off, reminding me of how good He has always been.

Wife, You’re Not Alone

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I have so much to share. I have so many things that God wants to share with other wives, especially the ones who are going through similar things. I have felt alone, but it’s a lie. I have felt like no one would understand what I am facing in my marriage, but it’s a lie.

I want to be used by Him to restore hope. I want my messages to radiate God’s faithfulness in the midst of the storm. I want to bring freedom to the wives that think there isn’t another way out of what they are facing with their husbands health.

I am my brother’s keeper. What I do for my husband, I do for God. How I treat my husband, I treat God. 

We are our brothers keeper.

We are our brothers helper in the difficult times. 

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Wife, You’re Not Alone” is my ministry. It was birthed after my husbands heart surgery back in November of 2017. I knew then that I wanted to share my journey and I know I will be doing just that.

I will be posting on my Instagram page- @wifeyourenotalone 

 

Weight & Confidence

When I look into the mirror I desire to see myself the way You see me. I have fallen away, my eyes have been deceiving. What I see, I have not liked. What I have seen, I have not loved. My self-image, distorted it has been and feeling down, has risen. Tempted to lash out about my body, but You have held my tongue and are helping me get back on track. You line things up perfectly, today is a new day. I see things differently. I acknowledge that alone I cannot do this, it was proven when I first began…

To Feel Confidence

…when I feel otherwise. This last week, I did not workout. I let my body have its way… not to mention it also had what it wanted to eat. It’s like my mindset was reverting back to how it was last year. Something was taking over and bad habits were returning.

The bad habit of lashing out about how I look and about my body. To be honest I was feeling, “fat.” I was starting to see myself that way and I was beginning to feel how I used to… angry and disgusted.

Such attitude and so much self-hatred doesn’t come from God, it comes from the enemy whos sole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy the creation of God; which is you and me. Now a days it’s through body image. Through food.

It’s A Spiritual Battle

Yes. You may be wondering, how?!

Last year, in March, I was the heaviest I have ever been. I was depressed. I was so self-conscious and very insecure about my body. When I looked into the mirror I saw nothing but bad things and I spoke nothing but bad things about my body. The way I felt was bad. I felt fat. I felt gross. I felt so uncomfortable. I had no confidence, what so ever. I felt like I was in some kind of trans. Inside I felt angry. I felt disgusted every time I looked into the mirror.

It was like I was in bondage. I was enslaved to food. I was enslaved to bad habits. I couldn’t break free from it. That’s why I had gained so much weight and had so much hatred towards my body.

I had no energy to do anything. I wasn’t enjoying my husband and all I wanted to do was stay in bed because of feeling sick and always in pain.

I once heard a testimony of a woman who had so much trouble losing weight. She said that she felt like demons were keeping her bondage. Until one day she cried to God and those chains broke and once they did she started losing weight. 

That’s what happened to me. It wasn’t until I cried to God for help that I started being consistent and finally losing weight. I had tried so many “diets,” but none worked. It wasn’t until I learned that it’s a lifestyle…

“Diets only last as long as your motivation to do it is, but a lifestyle is what lasts.”

-Stephanie

So when I say it’s a Spiritual Battle, it is. There is an enemy that is trying to destroy people. And if you look closely, it’s by the food the people are consuming. More processed food. More sugar added. More preservatives…etc.

We wonder why we can’t lose weight. We wonder why there is a huge outbreak of child obesity… it’s what we have been putting into our bodies.

It’s An Addiction

Just like drugs, food can be an addiction. Junk food can be an addiction… I know that very well. Sweets. Salty foods. The very things I still struggle with. This past year, in eating healthy I have learned so much about my body.

I learned that I have a gluten intolerance. That’s the reason I was always bloated. The very reason why I always felt tired.  I am slightly lactose intolerant. That’s the reason why I always had stomach problems and always felt nauseous. Recognizing these things have helped me lose weight and take better care of my body. I have learned how to better nurture it, LOVE it and give it what it needs.

Of course, habits had to be broken. It wasn’t easy, because I had been used to certain foods for so long. I was “addicted.” -Stephanie

Last week, when my friend David Lugo was here, we were talking about his transformation. He was sharing that it was hard for him to let go of what he was used to eating. His body was going through withdrawals and that his body would shake and tremble, like a drug addicted getting cleaned. I believe it.

He also shared that he had gained a lot of weight and that his health was starting to fall. He changed his lifestyle. It is a Spiritual thing. It’s a battle. 

I say that because, our bodies are temples of the Spirit. Our bodies are used for God’s purposes. So if the enemy can keep our body sluggish, sick and so on, we cannot fulfill what we have been called to do; jobs, ministry, etc.

QUESTION: Have you ever felt like you didn’t want to do anything, especially after the food you ate?

Choosing Not To Eat The Kings Food

The story of Daniel and the three men. I was reminded of this story because it confirms what I have been saying. Nowadays the “kings food,” is the junk we eat. It’s the rich foods, the processed foods, the salty and sugary foods. The very foods that are harming the people, rather than strengthening them.

The king of this world is Satan, whether you want to believe it or not. His foods are fast foods, junk foods, processed foods, salty, sweet… etc. 

Daniel 1:8-17 New Living Translation (NLT)
But Daniel was determined not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief of staff for permission not to eat these unacceptable foods. Now God had given the chief of staff both respect and affection for Daniel. But he responded, “I am afraid of my lord the king, who has ordered that you eat this food and wine. If you become pale and thin compared to the other youths your age, I am afraid the king will have me beheaded.”
Daniel spoke with the attendant who had been appointed by the chief of staff to look after Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. “Please test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water,” Daniel said. “At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king’s food. Then make your decision in light of what you see.” The attendant agreed to Daniel’s suggestion and tested them for ten days.
At the end of the ten days, Daniel and his three friends looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who had been eating the food assigned by the king. So after that, the attendant fed them only vegetables instead of the food and wine provided for the others.
God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for understanding every aspect of literature and wisdom. And God gave Daniel the special ability to interpret the meanings of visions and dreams.

It’s not about being vegan or vegetarian, but about choosing to nurture your body with healthier options. These four men, chose to do just that. Filling their bodies with vegetables and water, rather than the delicacies of the King, everybody was able to see the difference. They were stronger, they were healthier. They too needed God’s help.

People wonder why they are “fat.” People wonder why they can’t go day without feeling pain in their body. People wonder why they feel tired all the time… It has to do with that they are filling their bodies up with.  

It wasn’t until I started nurturing my body that I no longer felt pain in my joints. My knees have gotten better. My back and ankles have gotten better.

Receiving More Than You Let Go Of

Going back to the story of Daniel; After the ten days of eating healthy they saw the difference, and started having the other men eat healthier too. Stronger is better for fighting battles. Stronger is better for fulfilling the daily tasks. Stronger is better for supporting your family. Stronger is better for living life. 

What’s a few broken habits compared to great overall health and endurance? Which one is more important to you?

In verse 17 you can see that ridding themselves of such foods opened up their hearts for what God had for them. Those four men were given favor and a place in the royal service.

In other words, when you are freeing yourself of all things that are harming you, you are given so much more. Health. Life. Motivation. Wisdom and so much more. To me that means more than what my flesh craves. 

The Choice

Ultimately the choice is ours. Sometimes it comes when we have had enough. Tired of being tired. Tired of feeling sick all the time. Tired of being overweight. Just tired. It was my breaking point that led me to asking God for help. I haven’t regretted it.

I am determined to not go back to how I was. I am determined to nurturing my body with healthy foods. I have goals. I have dreams and I want to be healthy to achieve them. Especially when it comes to what God has for my life and marriage.

I know that I want to be a mother. I am preparing my body for that day. I plan on being there for them. I plan on having a lot of energy for them… (I am smiling as I type that.) Thinking of that just makes me so happy.

 

What or who in your life deserves a better and healthier version of you?  

All you have to do is ask for help and chains will begin to fall off and you will begin to see your life transform before your eyes. 

 

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“You can have confidence in the midst of the transition. You can look at yourself in the mirror and finally love the person staring back at you.”

-Stephanie

Rain, Coffee & Skincare

I sit here, alone. I begin to wonder about what the future will bring or if it will come at all. A long ways off I see what my heart desires, but in Your eyes it is not that far. I extend my hand attempting to grab hold of what I have been waiting for; it’s still out of reach. I am not ready for it. I look at you and wonder, “when?” All I can hear is you tell me to be patient. All I feel is you telling me is, “my timing is perfect.” I feel relief. I feel secure. For everything, I have placed in your hands.- Heart of Grace

Rainy Day

I sat here for a few minutes contemplating whether or not I was going to write. I haven’t written in awhile… life. I have been busy with so many things, one of them being my business. I began my business back in December, right after my husbands surgery. I prayed, I asked for guidance and I jumped in.

Since then it’s been a blessing. Who knew that Skincare and Makeup would leave me feeling so happy and relieved. Especially when it comes to finances.

I have seen God move in my business, because I have honored Him with it. Through this I have learned to trust in His timing. I have learned to give him full control as to what He wants me to do with it. Through this business I have been able to help so many people.

The Gift Of “Motivation”

When I began my business I had prayed that God would allow me to be a blessing to my team. Because the last thing I wanted it to be was just some, “business.” I wanted it to count for something. After praying for awhile, I was asked to share inspiration every Monday. It was an open door for me to share about my faith, to share encouraging words and share about my experiences.

“I believe that when we honor God with whatever it is we are doing, we will see bigger and better things; not just for ourselves, but for others as well. A person with the right heart will find so much happiness with helping others, rather than helping themselves.”

-Stephanie

Why I Started My Business

My husband had heart surgery, I have shared that before. He has an LVAD implanted into his heart. It is a pump that is taking up the role of pumping his heart. Because of that he can no longer be alone. I have become his caretaker. We prayed for God to provide, He has been. Being able to be here at home with my husband has given me a piece of mind. It’s helped me to draw closer to him, as well as God. It hasn’t been easy, but I don’t think I would have wanted anybody else looking after my husband.

“This is where I have really learned to be his, “wife.” Being there to help him. Being there to make sure he is ok. Being there for his appointments. Just being there for him. Being a Beauty Guide has opened that door for me. I wouldn’t change it. I am truly blessed.”

-Stephanie

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”-Genesis 2:18

My husband is my why. He is the reason why I am working hard. He is the reason why I push hard everyday to overcome insecurities and fears. Watching him has brought me so much encouragement. I see what he has gone through and I see how much he has pushed through and not given up. That inspires me.

 

Wonderfully Beautiful

www.WonderfullyBeautiful.com
Was inspired by one of my favorite verses.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.-Psalm 139:14

I knew I wanted my business to stand for something. I wanted a foundation for my business. When it came to create a web address, I was inspired by that verse. We are all wonderfully made. We are beautiful in the eyes of God. I wanted something that would motivate and inspire. I wanted to help restore confidence. I have been one who has struggled with that so many times. Especially when it came to my skin; my face. I hid it behind so much make up.

But I have been freed from that and now I can literally say I am comfortable in my own skin. I can go days without makeup. I can look as see that acne is gone; redness is gone. It’s an amazing feeling.

The Heart of a Giver

I set out to help as many people as I can. I set out to share with others what I have received. For the word tells us; “What you have freely received, freely give.” Whatever that looks like. It’s never my job to question what He is leading me to do.

“Because we have known what it’s like to struggle financially and now, knowing what freedom looks like. What I sometimes think is still a long ways off, God is bringing us closer to. When there seems to be no way, He makes a way.”- Stephanie 

I am learning to trust in His timing and not in my own impatience. 

 

I Have Experienced It

Before jumping into the business aspect of LimeLife by Alcone I was using their products. I dealt with oily skin. I dealt with acne and breakouts. I never found the right skincare or make for my face. My friend introduced me and I started trying their make up. I fell in love. I slowly began using their skincare products and I saw results.

Skin Care

 

Makeup

 

I am a real person with real struggles with it comes to my face. I am not someone who is just sharing something because it sounds good, no. It has helped me. Not just the skincare, but also the foundation. Switching over to this foundation, I have seen less breakouts, because it is not oil based. It’s waxed based and has a lot of skin benefits.

It wasn’t until I became a Beauty Guide that I realized I had been using the wrong shade of foundation. HAHA I was using a color that was too light for me. I am not a professional makeup artist at all. In fact when I joined I didn’t know a lot about makeup. I just knew they worked and I wanted to share them.”-Stephanie

 

My Heart’s Desire

Helping someone feel comfortable and confident in their own skin; men and women with natural and good for you skincare & makeup. Helping a makeup artist expand their business with professional grade makeup. Building a team of people who want change. Who need extra income.

“It’s not so much about me, as it is about helping others. For I have been blessed to be a blessing. And that’s what I plan on being. God has made way for me, now I wanna be used to make way for others as well.”-Stephanie 

This Heart Of Mine

You’ve opened my eyes to see the better things. My heart You have transformed; stronger and wiser it has become. Through it all I have learned to guard this heart of mine, for it has been the cause of many insecurities. You’ve given me a heart that can see past the bad, that can let go of the offenses and show Your love. This heart of mine, You hold carefully in Your mighty hands, never to harm it. You’ve given me the courage to stand strong even when my surroundings are yelling, “fall.” I walk in surrender to You, for You’re the only one who leads me to the safest of places. My confidence is found in You. This heart of mine is the well of life, only springing forth all that is of You. – Heart of Grace

Guarding Your Heart

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

-Proverbs 4:23

A part of guarding your heart is knowing how much you’re valued in the eyes of God. It’s knowing who He has called you to be, and no longer worrying about what others think or say about you. It’s walking in confidence that He is always with you and guiding you in all you’re doing.

Throughout my life I have allowed so many things hinder me. I struggled with insecurity, low self-esteem and honestly, cowardness. I allowed my heart to get hurt time and time again. I was limited due to the fear of what others would think about me. Never did I step out of my comfort zone. All eyes on me??? Please, no! So behind the scenes I stayed. (Until God called me.)

When Your Weaknesses Become Your Strengths

This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”-Joshua 1:9

It’s taken me so much to be where I am right now. I mean, in the place where I have the courage to walk with my head high, even when everything around me is trying to get me to shrink back. I have truly understood who I really am in God’s eyes.

Lately God has been calling me to step out of the, “boat.” Meaning I have been led to do things that I have never imagined id be doing.

Public speaking? Yes. Being in the spot light? Yup. 

I learned this a long time ago; God uses your weaknesses and turns them into your strengths. I never knew that this girl, (me) the one who never spoke up in class would be used as a mouth piece for God. Speaking in front of people always caused me anxiety. I would literally skip school because of the fear of being in front of people.

When it comes to the things of God, I cannot skip out on it. Though I have wanted to give everything up because of the fears, He hasn’t let me. Every time I have seen things as challenging, in confronting them, has allowed me to see that I have been capable the whole time.

So are you:  Capable. Worthy. Stronger than you think. Courageous. And so much more, in the eyes of God.

 

This Heart Of Mine

In it I carry strength. In it I carry hope. In it I carry love. In it I carry courage; not because of me, but because of Him. I had the choice to stay stuck in the boat and watch all that is meant for me flow past me, or step out of the boat and take hold of what is mine, regardless of what others would think or say. The choice was mine.

What we allow in our minds, falls into our hearts and that is what we begin to live. What are you allowing into your mind? The fears and insecurities of others, or the truth that is solely found in God, His word?

“I choose to receive the truth and throw out the lies.”-Stephanie

2018 Is My Year

I said goodbye to another year. A year filled with joy, but also filled with pain, sorrow and sadness. A year that left me wanting more, more of You. I walked that road of self discovery, brokenness, only to find myself stronger. I am brand new, I am not the same. I stood tall until the end of year. The clock counted down and struck midnight, I couldn’t hold back the tears. We walked into victory. We walked into new beginnings, into new identities. We left behind the sorrow, to only embrace the joy. We left behind the old, to embrace the new. Tears ran down my face, gratitude filled my heart; tightly I held the man You have given me. We are walking out of the desert, into our promised land. I only have You to thank for that. This is my year. This is our year. This is the year for abundance and restoration.-…Heart of Grace

2018

Words cannot express my excitement for this new year. I literally feel like I stepped into something brand new. Like an old garment has been taken off and replaced with a brand new one; a clean one.

 

He will provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.- Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

 

Last year was a year that challenged me the most and really tested my faith. I found myself in situations that pushed me to step out of my comfort zone and led me to jump in without knowing what would come of it. My faith definitely grew and my trust in God has grown. From this, I cannot go back. For I have seen how real He is.

Last night, as we celebrated with our Spiritual Family, I felt so happy and content. I had one of the best times. The interaction, the freedom I now have to be around people… is a great feeling. I have really grown in that area of my life. I am no longer closed off, for I have learned to open myself up, but at the same time guard my heart. I have learned to allow people into my life, because I have wholeheartedly allowed God in first. Learning to trust Him and the people He’s placed in my life has been liberating. I have learned to depend on their support, prayers and company. I broke free from the shell that kept them away and me locked alone.

I walked into 2018: mature, confident, strong and ready.- Stephanie

I left It All Behind

The last months of 2017, were some of the toughest ones, but that’s when I decided to jump in deeper into God. I jumped like a child who is assured that their father will catch them. I was caught.

I am leaving behind the past. 

I am leaving behind the struggles.

I am leaving behind the insecurities and doubt.

I am leaving behind guilt and shame. 

I am embracing this new life with my God and my husband. 

God Has Restored

Through all that we have been through, God has restored something that I didn’t really know needed restoration, until all this happened with my husband’s health. I have a love for him that I didn’t have before. I have this closeness with my husband that I didn’t have before. It’s all because of God. It’s his love that I now have in my heart for my husband. I was corrected, my mind was renewed and my eyes were opened, allowing me to see the man that God has blessed me with.

This journey has been an exciting one, as well as a challenging one, but nonetheless it has been the most rewarding one.

From This:

November 22, 17-the say he had surgery on his heart. He has the LVAD implanted into his heart. That day as we sat in the waiting room, I felt nothing but peace as God assured me that things were ok. The surgery took four and half hours. We waited about an hour to hear from the Dr. When I got the phone call, I felt a little anxious, as I wanted to hear that things were ok, already. The Dr. had told me that everything had gone very well, just as expected. My heart rejoiced and I immediately told God, “thank you.”

He stayed in ICU for about a week then a couple more weeks in the hospital. They have been so amazed at how quickly he was starting to recover. (It’s a God thing.)

To This:

His life was restored through this surgery. God chose to bring healing to his life in this way. Until God completely heals his heart, my husband has to carry around that pack. It’s connected to his heart and that pack is acting as his heart. I mean, it’s pumping for his heart, allowing it to rest. So we constantly have to make sure he is connected to power. Yes, it has been overwhelming for him, but I have told him it’s a small sacrifice so that he could be alive and feel as good as he does. He sleeps with it. He walks with it. He showers with it. It’s temporarily a part of him.

Seeing him so happy and enjoying life brings me so much happiness. I honestly feel like I have my husband back. The husband I have always desired. He amazes me, daily. I see him pushing hard to recover and I see how dedicated to doing so. It inspires me

What he lost passion for, he is now gaining it back, and that’s playing guitar. He was born to worship God. Before the surgery, his health was taking a tole on him to the point where he couldn’t play or lacked the desire to do so. I am so grateful that he plays again, it makes my heart happy. I believe that’s what he is meant to do. (He loves his Christmas gift. We named it Soul Fire. ) Only greater things are ahead.

This Is Us

26165413_322109958309246_4239540591672644910_nThe last selfie of 2017. My best friend. My love. My everything. ❤

I am excited to see what God has for us this year and how much more we will be growing together and individually. -Stephanie 

 

God chooses to use the toughest parts of your life;  marriage, so that He can be glorified by how strong he’s kept you, by how much your faith has grown, by how high you can lift your hands in praise in the middle of the storm, by continuing to walk when the enemy has tried to knock you down . -Stephanie

Nothing is ever in vain.

Wife, You’re Not Alone

I have wandered this road alone with no one else to know. It’s been a journey filled with tears, a journey filled with joy; a journey filled with hope. A wife, I am. On this road, alone I am not. -“Wife, You’re Not Alone”

I recently started a support group called, “Wife, You’re Not Alone,” specifically for wives who are struggling in their marriage due to illnesses of their spouses, or who just need some encouragement. I felt in my heart to share my story and what I am currently facing with my husband, in my marriage and my own life.

The Word Coming To Life

Two are better than one. For if they fall, one will lift up the other. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

When I started this group, I myself, was feeling alone and felt like there was no one around me who could help me along this journey; no who was going through the same things. It then dawned on me that I could be there for other women who are facing similar things.

Wife, You’re Not Alone, was birthed from God’s word, from His heart for the wives and marriages. To bring healing, strength and restoration in the hearts of His daughters and restore the unity within the marriages. It was inspired by:

Romans 5:3-5
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they will help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 

In the beginning of this road to restoration for my husband, I felt so alone. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anybody else about what I was feeling or going through, because they wouldn’t understand. It’s been a season where I had to depend and lean on God. I learned to lean on Him for courage to overcome fears, I learned to trust Him with my husband’s life and setting all things into place.

I have grown so much and my faith has expanded all the more. I am in the process of sharing this journey that I have been on with my husband. I just wanted to introduce my page on Instagram; “Wife, You’re Not Alone” There I will be sharing my story and other things, God places on my heart.

I also have a group in the app called “First Five App” also called, “Wife, You’re Not Alone.”

Wife, You’re Not Alone

Stand firm against him(enemy), and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are…

– 1 Peter 5:9

I pray that this support group brings together wives from all over the place. So that we can uplift each other through God’s word. My desire is to learn more about others and see how God has moved in their lives. I pray that our testimonies will bring hope and encourage us to seek and trust in God that much more.

Together we are stronger, together we can get through what ever comes our way. ❤

“I have had this support group for almost three weeks, and I have already been blessed by the wives I have met and their stories. I am not alone. The moment I let my guard down and took the step of faith to reach out, I realized there were other wives going through the same things. It’s made this journey easier.”
– Stephanie

Body Image

I stood there looking into the mirror, the person staring back at me; I did not know. I have changed, I have changed in a good way. My body, no longer my own; the body from the past. There staring back at me I saw: confidence, self-worth, I saw a woman who no longer hides herself away. I never imagined such a body & such vision of myself existed beneath the insecurities & self-doubt. -…The Heart of Grace

I write today to express how I have been feeling lately about my own body. Though I had been in a rut, I look at my body in the mirror in amazement. Yes, amazement. I have not seen my body like this in years. I am happy. I am loving it. I am just content with how my progress is coming along. -Stephanie

Paint Your Own Image

Often times we determine ourselves to set goals that are based on someone else’s progress rather than what’s best for our own bodies. Every single body is different… I realized this a long time ago. Since my body has been changing, I am seeing that it’s not the “figure” I though I would have, so I have learned to love it anyway and stop “wishing” my body shape was like, “hers” or “hers.”

There’s there nothing wrong with the shape of my figure, just like there isn’t anything wrong with yours. The key is learning to accept it and love it as is.

Honestly

I have seen so many beautiful women online who flaunt their stuff with full confidence. It inspires me and challenges me to love my own body. I have been led to workout and take care of my body, which has helped me love my body a lot more than before. In no way does that mean that anybody has to do the same in order to love theirs. I think it’s amazing that there’s so many positive ways one can learn to love their own body. That is what we should accept.

Watching all these women show off their flaws, helps me to embrace my own. Yes, I still have the “pouch,” but I am not obsessed about it anymore. Little by little the problem areas are changing, I am happy with that.

When it came to my body, I was always self-conscious and insecure. I would look at other women with nice bodies and think to myself there was something wrong with me. I never imagined that the body I wanted was just underneath.-Stephanie 

It’s not the outer exterior that makes a woman beautiful, it’s the heart she has and the confidence she has in herself and how she sees herself. 

The Harshness of Your Words

To see change and to see yourself in new light, your opinion of yourself has to change. Our words paint a image and affect our reality. Though it can be a lie, you start to believe and live your life as if it were.

“I am ugly.” 

“I am fat.”

“I look like a fat pig.”

“You’re a fat whale.”

These are only a few of the many harsh things I have told myself… I began believing these lies to the point where my life began manifesting it. I hated myself so much that I no longer cared about what I did. I gained weight, it only added to my insecurities. I was trapped by the false image I painted through my words & thoughts.

21742234_269637850223124_188150978_o.jpg

 That’s a promise. 

Start by embracing where you are, accepting it and determining yourself to make changes. In the process you will learn to love your body, and in doing so you will see it change in ways you never imagined. Your body is for you, and not against you, it just needs the correct attention and nurture. ❤

I look at myself, now, in the mirror and words like these flow from it, “I have a cute body.” -Stephanie