Everything within me cries out for you. This I know, how? I feel off, out of order.
On days like this, it is you I want; the preferred parent that a child runs to for the nurture and comfort.
I run to you with arms up, crying inside… Papa!
I jump into your arms, ready you are to catch me and hold me close.
As I lay my head on your shoulder, I cry.
Holding me tightly, you tell me, “It’s ok. Everything will be ok…”
I believe you, papa. I believe you.
On Days Like This
It’s been days that I have been feeling a little, “out of order.” There are things that I am currently going through that no one knows about… things that have me feeling a little emotional.
My life is undergoing a transition from living the way I have wanted to, to following through with what I need to do. Things are being removed, people are being removed… but nonetheless things are being placed back in order in my life. I feel it.
Ever felt like you were “off” and not the real you? Yup, that’s how I have been feeling and the reason I am allowing God rearrange my life for the better.
A Season For Everything
“I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and for a certain amount of time. The things we pray for or ask for are given, but then comes a time when it no longer has the same meaning in our life…I mean it’s no longer how it used to be or what we need.” -Stephanie
That’s where I am at. I am currently at that point where I want more, but more of what He wants for me. For I know that those things are continuously fulfilling and so much more rewarding than what I think I want or need.
When it comes to relationships and people that were in my life for a season and the next they aren’t meant to be there anymore… that’s where it gets hard for me. So many people have come into my life for various reasons, purposes. Some have taught me a lot, while others were just used to strengthen me.
There comes a time when you’re being moved to a higher level, or a new chapter in your life; when you have to decide whether you want to hold on to what is being asked of you to let go of and remain in the same place, or when you finally decide you’re ready to let go of the past and advance.
To be honest, a lot of people remain in the same place because they aren’t willing to let go of the comfort or what they are used to. I can’t be like that, no matter how much it hurts to let go of things or people.
“Where God is taking you, such things cannot follow.”
Where I Am Going Is Not Where They Are Going
This part of my life is like when we are walking alongside someone, talking and chitchatting, but then are met by a crossroad, they both say bye and go their own ways. Where I am going is not where a lot of people are going. Meaning, my journey is far different than a lot of peoples.
Their priorities are not my own. My calling is not their own. That’s ok. I am slowly learning to accept this and just look forward & let go. People will never truly understand the things you do…especially when it comes to being obedient to what God is calling you to do.
Am I being judged? Maybe. Am I being criticized? Maybe. Should I care? No. Should I worry about opinions? No. For the only one I am looking to please is, God.
Being Bold, Being Courageous
Eeek, thinking about those two words can sometimes intimidate me. Me? Being those things… slowly.
The bad thing about it is, I am only those things when I feel backed into a corner, or when I am feeling a little down or hurt by something or someone. It’s like it comes from an inner anger that shoots up and moving me into the right direction. It becomes a confidence that no one can take away.
I know that I am a strong person, but sometimes I back down. I know that I am courageous, but sometimes I become afraid.
Ever feel like that? Especially when you’re being asked to manifest those things through a big decision? Yessss! I have, too. I laugh a little, because we tend to manifest those things when we shouldn’t, but when we should we become like, “I don’t know how to be courageous, strong or bold.” haha (I speak for myself, here.)
Why can’t I just manifest that attitude, always?! That’s something that will change, soon.
I may joke around a bit when it comes to what I go through, it is just a way that I cope. I am able to laugh at things like this because I know they won’t last forever. Laughter has been my remedy for healing.
But the best thing has been listening to podcasts by Steven Furtick
The word has been bringing me new life. It has been encouraging and confirming so many things in my life. It’s been reminding me that through all the chaos in my life or all the problems and so on, that He turns all that into something beautifully amazing. Everything I am going through is not in vain, but about to be turned into something better than I can imagine.
The same can and will happen for you. You just need to be obedient to what He is saying…putting Him first. ❤