“I sit here, alone. It never fails, though I am surrounded by people loneliness seems to find me. It whispers in my ear, “I want you.” It’s ever seductive voice captures my attention, I follow. Alluring me into a dark place, filled with temptations, I surrender my will. I sit there with loneliness. My mind begins to fill itself up with how things would be in different circumstances. I look around and see what is there, but yet something inside remains empty. Nothing that is seen can satisfy what my heart desires. I struggle to find the peace that sets me free. I struggle to see what I am meant to see. Loneliness blinds me. There is a giant gap between me and them. For loneliness has placed pain within when I think about becoming vulnerable and opening up. How I want to break free. How I want to fight back. “-…Heart of Grace
These past few days have been the worst. Lack of desire, motivation to do anything. All I want to do is stay in bed. I’ve been feeling alone, I have been feeling just isolated. I’ve been here before, I know what it feels like, I don’t like it. At all…
Through all this only one word comes to mind, loneliness. I always feel this way when I start depending on people to fill that void I have. The very void that only Jesus can fill. I have been looking to the wrong people, the wrong things for that satisfaction. Looking for a new “excitement” has only left me feeling drained and so exhausted. I need Him. I really do.
Loneliness is a real thing. Many people struggle with it. It’s a dark place that many do not escape from. It’s a place that lies seem like truths, a place where lies become their realities. A place that paints a false picture, only catering to ones feelings they are already carrying inside. How do I know? I have been there. I once believed that no one loved me. I once believed that I was never good enough. I once believed that people would be better off if I was dead. These are all pictures loneliness paints, to enhance the insecurities, to enhance the lies, to enhance the feelings.
There are days when all I wanna do is cry. That takes strength. There are days when I confess to someone what I am feeling inside. That takes strength. There are days when I push through and tell loneliness to get behind me. That takes strength.
When you feel the need to hold back your tears, because you don’t want others to see you cry, that is weakness. When you want to hide everything that is wrong because you’re afraid of what they may think or say, that is weakness. When you sit back and do nothing about how you’re feeling and allow it to control your life, that is weakness.
For it takes a stronger person to shed tears, admit there is a problem, ask for help and fight back. -Stephanie
Then, loneliness becomes just a word and no longer a reality. ❤
I Am Not Alone
When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I’m standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear
You amaze me
You call me as Your own
You’re my strength
You’re my defender
You’re my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You’ve always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul