“Life as we see it. They say that believing is seeing, but what we cannot see are the things beneath.
We walk around, with smile on our faces pretending that everything is all right. We fool those around us, but yet deep inside we know the truth. There’s someone who knows what no one else can see. The only One who cannot be fooled.

I stare at you and wonder many things. How can you let it go on? You fooled me once, you’ve fooled me twice. This time around I will not be fooled. Maybe I didn’t want to see what’s been there in front of me. I don’t know how to deal with what I dread. I hate seeing those I love sick. Sickness is a curse that I wish never existed.

I ask myself, “when will this end?” For it’s desperation that I feel within. Trips like these are never fun. I spent too much time in these hospital walls. It’s this very place I last seen my mom, those years ago.

Stop letting this happen, stop putting me through this. For life as we see it, is coming to an end. I hold on to the hope that things will get better. For I have no other choice than to believe that He will turn it around for good and all this will end. I say I have no choice, because believing is better than dying in fear, in anxiety.

So life as we see it will end. For a brand new day will come to us, who’ve waited.”- …Heart Of Grace

Sitting here in the hospital now, I don’t know how I feel. I have dealt with the loss of my mother. I lost her to a sickness’ named diabetes, cancer and stroke. I didn’t have much of a grieving period, for I was strengthened by God during that time. But I found myself crying out for my mom yesterday morning. I woke up from a dream where I was in DESPERATE need to talk to her. I’m reflecting back and realizing it’s because before she died I was angry at her. I wasn’t talking to her and before she died, she had called me, but I didn’t answer. God knows how much I regreted that. I remember thinking maybe if I would have answered her call she would still be here or that I was being taught a lesson. God doesn’t work like that.

Only God knows how I wish I could turn back time, to change how I was with my mom. I wish I had time to tell her I loved her.

I guess being here in the hospital, again with my husband and seeing him go through all this makes me hate this place and what sickness does to a person.

I don’t know how to deal with it, being a wife who has a husband with health problems, this is new to me. It’s easier for me to be angry, than sympathetic. I just hate it.

It’s a journey I’m on, but alone I’m not. God has promised to be with me and help me through it. He doesn’t cause this. Sickness isn’t from him.

I rather believe that things will get better and have peace, than to fear and be anxious…

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